This is serious, this is like you wake up next to Selena Gomez and she tells you she really isn’t 18 kind of serious. This is like Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head serious. Que Golden Brown by The Stranglers,they were talking about heroin and we’re talking about beer but I’m going through withdraw just thinking about the lack of alcohol.
MillerCoors is being forced to pull all of their liquor products from bars and stores in Minnesota. It turns out that the Minnesota government shut down a couple of weeks ago due to the same budget problem the Federal Gov is having right now (I told you this was serious). Now most people in Minnesota spend 2/3rds of their year in a frigid wasteland that would make Bear Grylls put on a baby seal skin and get the facebook out of there. So for whatever reason they don’t seem to care about the state gov not working and so it’s just been sitting there broken.
Well they will now! The state governmental controls liquor licenses & MillerCoors can’t get theirs renewed because the government has shut down. I know what you’re saying “so what a couple of people are out of work for a day or two.” Let me explain this, 40% of all beer that is sold in Min is a MillerCoors product! Check out this list:
Blue Moon Pale Moon Belgian Style Pale Ale, Coors Banquet, Coors Light, Coors Light 3.2, Foster’s Lager Beer, Foster’s Premium Ale, Grolsch Amber Ale, Grolsch Blonde Lager, Grolsch Light Lager, Grolsch Premium Lager, Hamm’s, Hamm’s Genuine Draft Style, Hamm’s Special Light, Henry Weinhard’s Dark, Henry Weinhard’s Hefeweizen, Henry Weinhard’s Pale Ale, Henry Weinhard’s Private Reserve, Icehouse Beer, Keystone Light Beer 3.2, Killians Irish Red 3.2, MGD Light 64, Mickey’s Ice Ale, Mickey’s Malt Liquor, Miller Genuine Draft, Miller High Life 12/16 oz can, Miller High Life Ice, Miller High Life Light 12 oz can, Miller Lite 3.2%, Miller Lite Beer, Milwaukee’s Best #1 , Milwaukee’s Best Ice, Milwaukee’s Best Light #1 3.2, Molson Canadian, Molson Canadian Light, Molson Golden, Molson Ice, Molson XXX, Olde English 800 Malt Liquor, Sparks Light.
No more classy 40’s parties no more Hefeweizen’s or keg stands or tailgates, no more easy Miller girls! I’ve tasted the Miller girl, and she tastes like Coors Light and low inhibitions! Football season is coming up for crying out loud! I mean people need alcohol to do everything from reproduce to forget about their kids!
But it gets worse, in October the Anheuser-Busch’s license runs out effectively cutting off all beer to Minnesota. Now the real question is what happens if the Federal Government shuts down? Are the rest of us going to wake up to some Interstate Commerce clause that prevents beer from crossing state lines? This is America, a place where people can marry up because of an illegitimate child, a place where social awkwardness’s don’t matter because everyone at the party is drunk, a place where you can meet the love of your life one night and have to sneak out of their bed the next manana. But none of these things are possible without beer!
There needs to be a call to action here but I’ve been nervously drinking throughout this whole post and I can’t figure one out. Going to crush a pizza and pass out.
So Minnesota enjoy your moment of Zen.