Sarah Palin’s cheating on her husband, Alec Baldwin walks out of Emmys over Bush joke the WH is brewing crappy beer and more…

But wait…South Africa just halted a shipment of condoms from China.  Guess why?  If you said “They were too small” ding ding ding you’re right.  The Chinese – along with just about everybody else – have been shipping condoms to Africa to help with the AID’s plight.  The Chinese have an excess of condoms choosing rather to abandon their children versus not getting the “full experience.”  Well the Chinese must have not accounted for the exchange rate from condoms in China to condoms in Africa because they ones they delivered were too small and too thin.

A South African court on Friday halted the shipment of 11 million female condoms from China, saying they were too small, made from the wrong material, and not approved by the World Health Organization, according to AFP.

Stereotypically embarrassing.

Along the phallic line the world’s largest sperm bank, Cryos International, hates gingers.  Cryos is the place where 18 year olds go to wack off and get paid for it.  The company freezes the sperm and puts it in some (assumingly fat and ugly) woman who can’t get laid.  Why they don’t just bring the 18 year old in when the woman comes in and charge double is beyond me.  Maybe they hate money.  But I digress, Cryos International has zero demand for redhead sperm.  As a matter of fact if you have red hair they will turn you away.

“There are too many redheads in relation to demand,” Ole Schou, the director of Cryos, told the Danish newspaper, Ekstrabladet, according to London’s Telegraph.

Men with scarlett manes sell “like hot cakes” in Ireland, Schou said, but that’s about it.

Scarlett manes?  Hot cakes in Ireland….(shudders)

And Sarah Palin is now being accused of speaking for what might be her former lover.  The National Enquirer – I hear ten copies are personally delivered to the White House every morn – has been reporting that Sarah Palin had an affair with one of her husband’s business partners, Brad Hanson –Doo Wop.  The Palin machine released a statement allegedly from Hanson, but when the Enquirer followed up…

Did Hanson actually say and approve that statement?

When ENQUIRER reporter ALAN BUTTERFIELD went to speak to Hanson yesterday at his home in Alaska, Hanson seemed surprised that an official statement had been issued on his behalf.

Butterfield said Hanson appeared perplexed and confused when asked about the statement.

After being asked several times if he had released the statement, Hanson finally told Butterfield: “I think so,” and then he added, “Let me know what you think about it.”

To be fair…..she’s hot for her age and his last name is the same as a bands.

Alec Baldwin has once again proven to be the world’s second largest douche — Mike Zuckerberg’s still #1 in my heart.  Baldwin was set to present at the Emmy’s last Sunday.  He prerecorded a skit that involved an off-color joke about the News Corp phone hacking scandal.  The clip never aired because the joke was seen as too controversial.

When the joke ended up on the cutting room floor, Baldwin no longer wanted his segment to be part of the broadcast and Fox has consequently re-shot the clip with Leonard Nimoy. Today, Baldwin tweeted, “Fox did kill my NewsCorp hacking joke. Which sucks bc I think it would have made them look better. A little.”

Say what you will about him, but he is still The Shadow!

And Peyton Manning traveled to Europe to undergo a very controversial stem cell therapy – not approved in the US — on his neck.  Manning will be out for much of this season due to a neck injury.  The star quarterback recently signed a contract for $18m a year.

Reporter Jay Glazer said the procedure involved taking fat cells from Manning’s body and growing them in a culture. The cells were then injected into his neck with the hope of regenerating the nerves, but the therapy was apparently not successful.

Wait they shoved fat in his neck?  Apparently Rosie O’Donnell has been undergoing the same treatment for years.

And the President bestowed the Medal of Honor on a Marine Sergeant Dakota Meyer.  The Marine received the MOH for ignoring an order and charging into battle to save his friends (and God bless him for it).  No one knows how many lives were save by putting his own at risk.  When asked Meyer said he had only one request, and that was to share a beer with the President.  So the President invited him to the White House and shared his very own White House homebrew…….which is a Honey Ale.

All that cool manly stuff I said earlier, yeah it was ejaculated by the Presidents wussie beer.

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Sex Drugs and Cocaine use, the Sarah Palin rumors are in and they are hot!

Joe McGinnis is a New York Times best seller and newest neighbor to the Palins.  McGinnis bought a house next to the Palins about a year ago and has been their personal peeping Tom ever since.  McGinnis is writing a book of dirt Palin on Sarah Palin — The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah — and has given an exclusive to the National Enquirer.

In the experts it claims that the Momma Grizzly hooked up with (then) future NBA player Glen Rice — hooked up in the Biblical sense.  While still a junior at the University of Michigan Rice attended the “Great Alaska Shootout” tournament.  And after competing in the tournament the future pro athlete was nailin Palin.

McGinniss quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled his [Rice’s] ass down.” While the pal coyly states: “I can’t say I know they had sex,” the friend is also quoted as saying: “I remember Sarah feeling pretty good that she’d been with a black basketball star,” according to the source.

Their encounter reportedly occurred in the dorm room of Sarah’s younger sister Molly at the University of Alaska Anchorage, according to the book.

Rice confirms the hookup in McGinniss’ book, according to the source, “but he’s quoted as saying he didn’t think Sarah harbored any bad feelings over being with him because he was black. And he remembers only nice things about Sarah, recalling her as ‘gorgeous’ and saying she was a big crush of his at the time.”

McGinnis also alleges that Sarah developed a fetish for black men.

The author also writes that after graduating from college, Sarah developed a “fetish” for black men…. McGinniss writes Sarah grew “horrified” about having sex with a black man [after sleeping with Rice].

McGinnis goes on to accuse Palin of snorting cocaine off a 55-gallon oil drum – personally I don’t snort anything lower than 80.   As the story goes Palin was out snowmobiling with friends and snorted cocaine off an overturned oil drum.  Now to be fair, people in Alaska are dumb, and someone might have just dared Momma Grizzly to stick her tongue to that oil drum.  Plus snorting cocaine in the middle of snow just doesn’t seem to fit.  However, circa 1992, I think it’s mandatory that the president has snorted cocaine at least twice so the joke could be on McGinnis

[B]efore she was elected governor, the author states Sarah was seen snorting cocaine off an overturned 55-gallon oil drum while snowmobiling with pals.

The book names a longtime associate of the Palins as saying Todd, who was arrested for DUI in 1986, used cocaine and “was on the end of the straw plenty.”

McGinnis also alleges that Pain was a pot smoker – duh I know very few who aren’t – that she has repeatedly cheated on Todd and that she is a horrible mother.  Now how much of this is legitimate dirt and how much of this is McGinnis retaliating for having to live in Alaska for a year is completely up in the air.

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Uber short Michele Bachman needs booster platform at Republican debate (screen grabs)

You ever notice that the smallest dogs are always the most yappy?  You run by someone’s house and you hear a dog going crazy only to look over the fence and realize it’s a scrappy little Toy Poodle?  Well Michele Bachman’s not far off.  She stands at an elf-like 5’2” – which has its advantages for a woman – a full 12 inches below Mitt Romeny.

Take a look at the two screen grabs I got of the set before the debate.  Clearly you can see that Michele Bachmann’s spot has a platform and all the other debaters do not.  I guess after the whole Newsweek fiasco MSNBC let the little lady have her chair.

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UCLA student joins Libyan rebel wearing an Angels jersey for camo – Curiously stupid

Reporters in Libya have discovered an Asian among the Arabs (one of these things just doesn’t belong here).  Chirs Jeon, a UCLA math student (explains a lot), decided that rather than end is summer vacation he would opt to go join the Libyan rebels.  So he is running around with his backpack and camcorder recording “cool stuff” as he plays war.

Why’d he make the long trek from Cali to Libya? “It is the end of my summer vacation, so I thought it would be cool to join the rebels,” Jeon told Hope. “This is one of the only real revolutions.”

Jeon surely doesn’t mean any harm. And it’s not as if the Libyans he’s with are super-professional soldiers. But they’re fighting for their freedom and their lives. Jeon is taking a cavalier detour through their war, bringing along his video camera to pick up some “great footage.” Hopefully he won’t get himself or anyone hurt while he finishes up his war-zone road trip.

This is known as a self correcting problem.  Not that he’s gonna die, it’s just Homeland Security isn’t going to let him back in.

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You’ve heard of parking meters; German city gets hooker meters – pay to screw

In Germany prostitution is legal – and with German women getting uglier by the day the prices are falling like Obama’s approval ratings.  But like all upstanding business models there are those within the hooker ranks that attempt to skirt their taxes, in effect giving the rest of the hoe bags a bad name.  Typically prostitution is carried out in one of two places either in a fine upscale brothel – think black light – or on the street corners – conveniently located.

Well the hookers are getting upset because cops can easily target the brothels for taxes, but the ladies of the night tend to blow their taxes off

“It’s not fair that some women who work in establishments like sex centers or sauna clubs are taxed only because we can find them more easily there,” city spokeswoman Monika Frömbgen said.

Enter the Hooker Meter, prostitutes can pay their $8 tax and get a ticket for the night.  Now of course all of these completely honorable ladies have just been dying to pay their taxes.  So none of them would think about just not putting money in the meter, that’s just unpatriotic.

The kicker, the machines are made by Siemens.  Their stock just went up.

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