Sarah Palin’s cheating on her husband, Alec Baldwin walks out of Emmys over Bush joke the WH is brewing crappy beer and more…

But wait…South Africa just halted a shipment of condoms from China.  Guess why?  If you said “They were too small” ding ding ding you’re right.  The Chinese – along with just about everybody else – have been shipping condoms to Africa to help with the AID’s plight.  The Chinese have an excess of condoms choosing rather to abandon their children versus not getting the “full experience.”  Well the Chinese must have not accounted for the exchange rate from condoms in China to condoms in Africa because they ones they delivered were too small and too thin.

A South African court on Friday halted the shipment of 11 million female condoms from China, saying they were too small, made from the wrong material, and not approved by the World Health Organization, according to AFP.

Stereotypically embarrassing.

Along the phallic line the world’s largest sperm bank, Cryos International, hates gingers.  Cryos is the place where 18 year olds go to wack off and get paid for it.  The company freezes the sperm and puts it in some (assumingly fat and ugly) woman who can’t get laid.  Why they don’t just bring the 18 year old in when the woman comes in and charge double is beyond me.  Maybe they hate money.  But I digress, Cryos International has zero demand for redhead sperm.  As a matter of fact if you have red hair they will turn you away.

“There are too many redheads in relation to demand,” Ole Schou, the director of Cryos, told the Danish newspaper, Ekstrabladet, according to London’s Telegraph.

Men with scarlett manes sell “like hot cakes” in Ireland, Schou said, but that’s about it.

Scarlett manes?  Hot cakes in Ireland….(shudders)

And Sarah Palin is now being accused of speaking for what might be her former lover.  The National Enquirer – I hear ten copies are personally delivered to the White House every morn – has been reporting that Sarah Palin had an affair with one of her husband’s business partners, Brad Hanson –Doo Wop.  The Palin machine released a statement allegedly from Hanson, but when the Enquirer followed up…

Did Hanson actually say and approve that statement?

When ENQUIRER reporter ALAN BUTTERFIELD went to speak to Hanson yesterday at his home in Alaska, Hanson seemed surprised that an official statement had been issued on his behalf.

Butterfield said Hanson appeared perplexed and confused when asked about the statement.

After being asked several times if he had released the statement, Hanson finally told Butterfield: “I think so,” and then he added, “Let me know what you think about it.”

To be fair…..she’s hot for her age and his last name is the same as a bands.

Alec Baldwin has once again proven to be the world’s second largest douche — Mike Zuckerberg’s still #1 in my heart.  Baldwin was set to present at the Emmy’s last Sunday.  He prerecorded a skit that involved an off-color joke about the News Corp phone hacking scandal.  The clip never aired because the joke was seen as too controversial.

When the joke ended up on the cutting room floor, Baldwin no longer wanted his segment to be part of the broadcast and Fox has consequently re-shot the clip with Leonard Nimoy. Today, Baldwin tweeted, “Fox did kill my NewsCorp hacking joke. Which sucks bc I think it would have made them look better. A little.”

Say what you will about him, but he is still The Shadow!

And Peyton Manning traveled to Europe to undergo a very controversial stem cell therapy – not approved in the US — on his neck.  Manning will be out for much of this season due to a neck injury.  The star quarterback recently signed a contract for $18m a year.

Reporter Jay Glazer said the procedure involved taking fat cells from Manning’s body and growing them in a culture. The cells were then injected into his neck with the hope of regenerating the nerves, but the therapy was apparently not successful.

Wait they shoved fat in his neck?  Apparently Rosie O’Donnell has been undergoing the same treatment for years.

And the President bestowed the Medal of Honor on a Marine Sergeant Dakota Meyer.  The Marine received the MOH for ignoring an order and charging into battle to save his friends (and God bless him for it).  No one knows how many lives were save by putting his own at risk.  When asked Meyer said he had only one request, and that was to share a beer with the President.  So the President invited him to the White House and shared his very own White House homebrew…….which is a Honey Ale.

All that cool manly stuff I said earlier, yeah it was ejaculated by the Presidents wussie beer.

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Uber short Michele Bachman needs booster platform at Republican debate (screen grabs)

You ever notice that the smallest dogs are always the most yappy?  You run by someone’s house and you hear a dog going crazy only to look over the fence and realize it’s a scrappy little Toy Poodle?  Well Michele Bachman’s not far off.  She stands at an elf-like 5’2” – which has its advantages for a woman – a full 12 inches below Mitt Romeny.

Take a look at the two screen grabs I got of the set before the debate.  Clearly you can see that Michele Bachmann’s spot has a platform and all the other debaters do not.  I guess after the whole Newsweek fiasco MSNBC let the little lady have her chair.

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UCLA student joins Libyan rebel wearing an Angels jersey for camo – Curiously stupid

Reporters in Libya have discovered an Asian among the Arabs (one of these things just doesn’t belong here).  Chirs Jeon, a UCLA math student (explains a lot), decided that rather than end is summer vacation he would opt to go join the Libyan rebels.  So he is running around with his backpack and camcorder recording “cool stuff” as he plays war.

Why’d he make the long trek from Cali to Libya? “It is the end of my summer vacation, so I thought it would be cool to join the rebels,” Jeon told Hope. “This is one of the only real revolutions.”

Jeon surely doesn’t mean any harm. And it’s not as if the Libyans he’s with are super-professional soldiers. But they’re fighting for their freedom and their lives. Jeon is taking a cavalier detour through their war, bringing along his video camera to pick up some “great footage.” Hopefully he won’t get himself or anyone hurt while he finishes up his war-zone road trip.

This is known as a self correcting problem.  Not that he’s gonna die, it’s just Homeland Security isn’t going to let him back in.

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General Petraeus officially retired from the Army

Gen. David Petraeus gives a “thumbs up” to members of the audience during an armed forces farewell tribute and retirement ceremony in his honor at Ft. Myer in Virginia on August 31, 2011. Petraeus will soon start his new job as Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) Director. With him are Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Michael Mullen (R) and Deputy Defense Secretary William Lynn

 

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Naked photos of A-list celebs, their phone numbers and email addresses – Hollywood phones got hacked

Update: new photos are emerging of Blake Lively, Kreayshawn and Julianne Hough (Ryan Seacrests girl)

I’m going to be glued to Google images all weekend long.  Anonymous is a hacker group known for going after political targets.  Now a splinter group of anonymous has just announced that they have been working on hacking the cell phones of some of the most famous celebs in Hollywood.  Their handle is @HWLeaks and they are dumping phone numbers, email address and photos of celebs left and right.  I mean honestly, what manager is so dumb they let their idiot actor take naked photos of themselves and keep them on their phone?  Who does that?

Check out some of the screen grabs below:

Wait! They got the king of Sparta!  How many girls you think are emailing him right now with PS I love you?

 

Hollywood Leaks has already posted a slew of phone numbers including those of Miley Cyrus and Ashley Green and the script of new Tom Cruise musical Rock Of Ages.
Its biggest exposure to date is topless photos of Gucci Gucci rapper Kreayshawn, stolen from her phone and posted on her Twitter account as she attended the MTV awards.

‘We’re simply here to facilitate the free flow of information from a place which was previously overlooked,’ a representative told website Gawker.

This is why I’m always nice to the freaks and geeks.

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